If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, available 24 hours a day. If someone is in immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.
When someone you love is in a dark season, the instinct is to do something. Talking matters most. But there is also a quieter step families can take at home, one that suicide prevention groups recommend for any household going through a hard stretch: putting more time and distance between a person in pain and the things that could hurt her.
For women between 38 and 54, hard stretches can come from many directions at once: a parent's decline, a teenager in trouble, a marriage ending, a health scare, the hormonal shifts of perimenopause, a job lost after years of building a career. Depression can follow, and with it, sometimes, thoughts of suicide.
Why the home matters
Suicidal crises often rise and fall. A moment of intense pain can pass, especially when someone is not alone and help is close by. Making the home safer in general ways can give that moment room to pass. It is not about suspicion. It is a caring precaution, much like putting a gate at the top of the stairs when there is a toddler in the house.
General steps families take
- Store medications securely, including ones that belong to other family members, and keep only what is needed on hand. A pharmacist can explain how to dispose of old prescriptions.
- If there are firearms in the home, store them securely, or ask a trusted person outside the home to hold them for a while.
- Keep alcohol limited, since it can deepen low moods and cloud judgment.
- Make sure someone checks in every day, especially on days that are known to be hard.
These are general steps, and you do not need to make a show of them. Some families talk openly about the changes with her; others make them quietly and explain later. Either can be loving.
Talk with her, too
A safer home is not a substitute for connection. If you are worried, ask her directly whether she is having thoughts of suicide. Asking does not plant the idea. It shows her she does not have to hide what she is feeling.
Warning signs to watch for include talking about being a burden or wanting to die, pulling away from people, big changes in sleep, a sudden calm after a long low period, and giving away things that matter to her. If you see these, call or text 988 together. If she is in immediate danger, call 911.
Bring her to care
A safer home buys time. Treatment is what helps her heal. Her family doctor, a therapist or a psychiatrist can help sort out what is going on, whether that is depression, hormonal changes, grief, or several of these at once. Offer to make the call, drive her there, or sit in the waiting room.
Taking care of the rest of the household
Children and teens in the house may sense that something has changed. Keep their routines as steady as you can, tell them in simple terms that Mom is unwell and getting help, and make sure they know they can come to you with worries. A calm, predictable home helps everyone, including her.
An option for depression with suicidal thoughts
Families sometimes ask what treatments exist for depression with suicidal thoughts, and one a clinician may discuss is described here. Spravato (esketamine) is a nasal spray the FDA has approved, taken along with an oral antidepressant, to treat depressive symptoms in adults with major depressive disorder who have acute suicidal thoughts or behavior. It is also approved for treatment-resistant depression. It is not a crisis treatment: it does not replace emergency care or a hospital stay when one is needed, and it has not been shown to prevent suicide or to reduce suicidal thoughts or behavior. It is given only in a certified clinic under a safety program called the Spravato REMS. The patient takes it there under supervision, stays at least two hours to be monitored, and does not drive until the next day after a full night of sleep. It is never dispensed for home use. Whether it fits is a clinician's decision after an evaluation.
Depression is treatable, and people come through suicidal crises and go on to full lives. The steps you take at home now are part of helping her get there.
If she wants to explore that option, many clinics that offer it begin with a free first conversation where she can ask whether an evaluation makes sense. She can bring a husband, a sister or a friend with her for support.
If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, available 24 hours a day. If someone is in immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.